Picture me fifteen years ago, I was this hapless boy jumping feet first into any relationship that was on offer because I was a lonely soul. I only wanted someone to care. Problem was is that they all ended after a week or less. I had spent so many years alone that I was beginning to feel like that would be me for the rest of my life. I didn’t have much success in my youth, in fact I could go as far as to say I had none. Advice would come thick and fast from my friends, “You have to get yourself out there Raymond” “You can’t act like you want them all”. It all seemed like a never ending revolving door of failure. It was a sad, lonely time for me. I was the only one that was single; out of all my friends I would be the only one that went to social functions on my lonesome, went on holidays single and never had the “and guest” place used at a wedding. Funny thing was my friends always envied my situation, the lack of responsibility and freedom to do what I want, but my mindset wasn’t geared up for that. I wish it was.
There is a massive difference between “being lonely” and “being alone”. There is a complete mind shift between the two. You can be happy and alone but you definitely can’t be happy being lonely. You see, being lonely suggests that you lack human connection in your life, you crave companionship to connect with another person on a level of some sort, be that friendship or something more. Whereas being alone suggests that you are alone out of choice and that is fine!
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I always feel that when I am making the decision to jump into a relationship it is always best to step back and ask myself am I connecting because of the base level connection or is it something more? You see, when we are lonely and just want to connect with anyone our standards are lower, we don’t normally choose those people when we are completely in control and thinking rationally. I have in the past dated a Married woman on the concept that she would leave her husband and start a new life in an idealistic world la la. Whereas if I were single currently I wouldn’t even dream of getting myself into that situation.
I’m not saying everyone is like me but there are over 6 billion and counting people in this world; if I’ve been through it then there will certainly be someone else that’s been or is currently going through loneliness. Unfortunately we make the worst choices when we crave companionship. There is a long and rocky path out of it though and hopefully I can give you a few ideas
Get a hobby
Hobbies are the best way to distract us from the state of current affairs; you could pick up a decent camera from Amazon for less than $100 and start snapping away at different things. Landscape and Macro shots are my favourite to take. Not your thing? Take up running in the park. Get yourself a nice mp3 player and just run and let the world slip away. There are literally tons of things you can take your mind to and it doesn’t have to cost. I’ve heard people say, “Oh I’ve always wanted to do x but I never did” and I always say, “so what’s stopping you now?”
Join a group
Facebook has tons of them from every depth of humanity and I am sure there is a group for your hobby or interests. Can’t see one? Well, you’re in luck and you can start your own! Your town will have tons of groups for everything imaginable. Seek and thee shall find – there is absolutely no reason to be without connection whatsoever.
Does that all sound a bit too extroverted for your introverted self? Then why not:
Create a community
Start a website and build a community around your interests with people from around the world. Your community can be only one other person or 100,000 other people. The choice is yours and you can be a complete novice. Don’t be ashamed to start, because the web has an awesome helpful community. You can do all this from the comfort of your own home.
I feel once we have healthy and supportive connections and friendships then we are well within our grounds to seek and start healthy and balanced relationships. I feel we have sufficient happiness to look further. Look, I’m not saying you should absolutely do all this; by all means I am no special guru-sear-wizard however by having a good supportive network behind us then we can afford to step back and be more critical of the people that we begin to form romantic relationships with.